why can't i find someone to love me
You will not today or tommorow but you will some day. Everyone is unique and special in their own way and one day there will be someone more compatible for you who will fall head over heals for you and love you so much. Once you do that, you'll know what is right for you and would not be disheartened. You will. Love yourself. Of course you will find someone else to love you! BE OPEN! I was the same way, "needing" to find someone to love, joining all kinds of dating sites. The right person for you is out there, and you two will meet when the time is right. What I discovered was that I had to learn to be whole. You idealize the relationship. Bright Side will tell you about 6 of the most popular reasons why people are alone, using popular movies as examples. I promise, it takes time. I oftentimes struggle with this myself. Dating is hard. One day you will find that someone and when you do, it'll feel like they've been there all along. “Why can’t I find someone” Dating isn’t like shopping for a car. Know that you matter. That person could be anywhere. They are just hidden behind those that don't. It might take some time to find them, but give it some time and you will meet some really great people and someday, you will find the person you love the most. Understand that you will never find peace through someone else, because peace comes from learning trust, understanding and love within yourself first. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. In the end, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. They will see the light in you like no one else. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming. It can take what seems like forever to find the right person. What should I do. When you are actively “trying to find someone” that loves you (and people realize it), you’d be surprised how unattractive you become. But first, you need to love yourself. This is mainly due to trust issues and the fear of being vulnerable due to the risk of a broken heart. You just need to wait and good things will happen eventually. You DO need to be "out there" in social circles and staying connected to a … You come across as desperate, you do anything to keep people in your life, and you bend over backwards trying to convince people to like you. Have hobbies and I can draw like F da vinci. 1. It may take some time to find someone who will passionately love every aspect of you. Lets not give up on love, let's embrace it by loving ourselves first then creating the life we will love … Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. If you find yourself draining all you have and all you are in a relationship, you have not yet found the right one. In my experience, love finds you when you least expect it. True, you should have your guard up, protecting yourself and your heart is very important. Nope? Confidence and self-esteem play a vital role when it comes to love. Think about them. If a relationship is stagnant for a long period of time (you said “weeks/months” so I’m not sure if you’re being patient enough or not), move on to someone else. Therefore be true to your own feelings. If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. If so, how? Handsome enough & fit. And you probably already have. For the life of me, I cant let someone love me! I have tried to chase love and ended up tearing my self apart. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. anon989822 March 23, 2015 . Many people searching for love have the tendency to push others away from them. That person could be anywhere. And we can’t complain about wasted time if we keep walking in circles. We run from things that scare us, and love is no different. My grandmother taught me that you can count on one hand the amount of people in life that love you and would do anything for you. You've been in a million failed relationships, and you just can't figure out why nothing is working. Finding love means that you have to stop spending so much time thinking about yourself, and more time thinking about the person that you are searching for. The happiness they will bring you will be worth every minute you had to wait. Learn how to love yourself first. I’m only 18. So just do what you love and maybe you will find someone who loves the same thing. Perfect is pretty boring...and if it seems perfect, then girl you may want to ask yourself..."is it even real?". Loving someone completely also takes time; we can't as people expect to find love on the first swipe. How do you stop resisting and allow someone to love you? All my life I was trying to find love but I couldn t. Every girl I showed interest in simply wasn t interested. However, most people searching for love have a list of highly unrealistic expectations. Stop looking for love. I don't say that to be cliché. Breaking up with past boyfriends was so painful because it felt as if I was breaking up, as if I was being torn from a part of myself. Why Are You Still Single? Many people are terrified of labels, while others are afraid of … And don't rush it really. Look in the right places. If you are an average person working a normal job, only dating a: millionaire with perfect credit , who lives in a 6,000 sq ft. condo, drives a Ferrari, is over 6 ft. tall, and has the face of Leonardo DiCaprio with the body of Zac Efron is just a bit much. Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series. In order to have a successful relationship or love someone, you can no longer think about whats only going to be beneficial to you. That my friend, is one of the most F@*?&! And this realy makes me sad. Why can’t you get one of those? It's okay if you feel like you won't find anyone, because you don't know what the future will hold: focus on yourself and the most important things in life for you at the moment. You’re auditioning for a place in someone’s life, and rejection is frightening. Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends. Always getting the typical u r a wonderful person and so kind bla bla but I cannot be more than ur friend shite. If you are insecure with yourself, please (I beg of you), DO NOT ENTER A RELATIONSHIP. Previously, I needed to be with someone in order to feel content, to have someone love me in order to feel loved. A lot of women confuse men’s aversion to neediness with men’s supposed aversion to commitment. Real love, or 'true love', shows up when you least expect it. I am 31 yrs old male...my issue in life is simply love...I know its silly people r struggling and dying out there...but this issue really affecting my ability to live normally. This really hurts me. why can't i find someone to love me unconditionally for just being me? Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. “My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It was only until I "gave up" that I found someone. Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded? The world is big and filled with many different types of people, but don't give up hope. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. Many people are looking to find someone to love them too. Do not compromise with your feelings just to be with someone who doesn't care about your feelings. Take up the quiz below and know the chances of that happening. Why can't I? You got to hold on, it takes time, but it will come. Finding someone who loves you for who you are is far easier said than done. Copyright © 2021 7 Cups of Tea. There is a lot of support here and lots of love in the meantime! It's made me wonder why I can't just fall for someone, and inspired me to look deeper into the reasons why people find themselves in this situation. Remember that you are amazing and deserve the best. Write them down. Today’s question is from Coranan: Why can’t I find a relationship? In most cultures, forming long-term monogamous relationships is what’s expected of us. Waiting might be difficult because not everyone wants to wait. Sometimes we get stuck. All you have to do is continue to be you. Everyone is so concerned with bettering themselves that they tend to ignore the needs of those around them, and sometimes their own personal needs. Love is just a feeling. I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story. Sometimes it's better to be single then have yourself be broken all over again. Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! A common theme among men who can’t seem to find girlfriends is they're terrible with women. You may be having trouble finding someone willing to open themselves up like that, or not loving yourself. Sometimes people look for love in the wrong places. Finding your soul mate or life partner happens without any effort. This is mainly due to trust issues and the fear of being vulnerable due to the risk of a broken heart. I hate the feeling to lose something you love but I also need to take a break and forgive myself and love myself before I can try to love someone/something first. As cliché as it sounds, you will find someone. And learn to be happy by yourself before you bring someone to share your life with. I will help you get unstuck! (P.S. One day, in time you will. Just wait and someone will. Today I my relationship ended because they wanted someone else instead of me. General requests go out to ALL LISTENERS. They often find you when you are not looking. I say that to be honest. l need thee one and l`m hopeful. Check out some of the signs below; there may be characteristics about yourself that you need to change in order to find the right person for you. You are amazing just some people may not realize that. You can spend time improving yourself and doing the things you love. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. I will just say one thing you are doing great and never stop searching. But once that person enters your life and accepts you for who you are, you'll be able to say to yourself and to that person "it was all worth the wait". Yes, you. All the best, as you give it a try! I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship? I don't show a whole lot of affection, but I don't consider it a problem. There are people that will love you for you! Thank you! Just me? It takes time. For most of those seeking love, they tend to become really attached to the other person, but when they find themselves truly falling in love, they find an excuse to end the relationship.Which poses the question; how can you truly find love if you're always pushing people away from you? Will Love. In the meantime don't rush it. And because of that, it might be hard to feel loved for being yourself. In middle school, I had this same problem. Other people can feel it when you have anxiety about finding love. You will. you will find someone one day. Read them. Steps. So take your time. What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone? Patience is key. If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. Most reasonable expectations for a partner include things like: having stable finances, being literate, good sense of humor, somewhat attractive, etc. If you find yourself being attracted to people who just want to hookup and don't want anything serious, you probably aren't fully open to receiving romantic love, Cooper-Lovett says. I have found that is true for everyone so imagine how long it can take to find those people. It has always been my belief that there is a right time for everything. However, that's not the best idea when you're searching for love. It might take some time to find them, but give it some time and you will meet some really great people and someday, you will find the person you love the most. If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you may want to ask yourself, "Am I the reason I can't find love?" If a person truly loves you, none of that conceded bull is going to matter, because they will love you for who you truly are... in your naturalist form. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. However, that's not the best idea when you're searching for love. Often times, a person enters someone's life and develops a relationship with that person. When looking for love, a lot of people hinder themselves with their own insecurities. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. As humans, we all tend to think that we are not good enough for certain people, or that specific people could never love us based off of the way we look. If you're lacking confidence in yourself, try to raise that, and find someone. You can. Your friends love you, but sometimes it's hard to spit the truth, especially when it comes to the flaws that are dragging you down in your romantic life. I regret breaking up with my ex. Other times people search for it too much that the result would be finding someone who is not really meant for them. 2. Cause one day, you'll find that person who would love you for who you are. I really sympathize with your question. I couldn't be happier with how I am! Before anything else, you will want to make sure that you are seeking love in the right places. Know who I am and what I stand for. My husband threatened to leave me … I want someone who loves me for everything I am and everything I'm not. Just live happy, concentrate on yourself and your life, and you will find it :). The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Sometimes, another average person just like you could be waiting to give you the love you deserve, and you would never notice them because you're too busy out there looking for Prince Charming. I feel I need it. Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? You will find someone who loves you more than anything, and really cares about you. My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. You will eventually find someone who loves you for you, don't change yourself for someone else because that's not who you are and who you are is all that matters. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers. My circle is small but amazing! Others will look and desire, and I will give, but still hold. 4 Signs YOU'RE The Reason You Can't Find Love, Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing, 5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard, Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating, How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze, It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer, 14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Many people searching for love have the tendency to push others away from them. Let’s examine some of the reasons why finding love is difficult: Fear of commitment: Commitment is a tricky thing to pin down in modern dating. Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? First, love yourself, accept yourself, don't try to be somebody you're not. What should I do? But it will take time. Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. Life is a continual journey. You can find your unconditional love if you look for good partners, develop a happy relationship, and work on building deep love with that person. What should I do? For the mean time, try to establish first who you are in such a way that whether that person is the right one or not, you would not lose yourself and be confused. You will find someone who loves you more than anything, and really cares about you. Sure, you can expect her to just show up at your doorstep someday. There's someone out there for yoy, you just have to wait. Opening your entire mind and body to someone is difficult for at least both of the people involved. In short, some people have trouble finding someone to marry because they find the process of looking uncomfortable, and even demeaning. I FOUND someone to love … (Picture: Getty) Defensiveness. However, many people are unable to find love because they don’t think they’re worthy of having it. There's no way to predict it or force it to happen. Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend. But men aren’t commitment phobes (at least, the majority are not). But that doesn't make me give up on love and it doesn't make me a love hunter either. Quite simply, if you can’t seduce a woman, the odds of falling in love aren’t exactly in your favor. I have tried many avenues to finding love, from Match.com to being hooked up by friends, to social gatherings. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. If we're talking about relationships,the right one will come. I felt pressured to look for and find love, but it just wasn't the right time for me. Successful engineer with a good carrier. That is so important and if you have people around you that care about you... You already found people that loves who you are. I am thirty. Open-mindedness. Just be careful not to push the wrong person away, because most of the time...that's exactly what happens. Everyone has their own idea of the perfect relationship: someone might have been inspired by a romantic movie and someone else might be inspired by a book. When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive--I'll find love again.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir :). That’s probably just me, … Most single people are unaware that their inability to find love has nothing to do with a dearth of potential partners, but with their inability to look at themselves. Because probably you spend too much time worrying about whether or not someone will love you for who you are , rather than focusing on on yourself. “Out with what she doesn’t want anymore and in with what might be.” You have no idea the problems you are creating for yourself and others around you. I'm sure that you are a wonderful person! I want to accept myself. All rights reserved. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years. People are loved for mostly their personalities and you will find someone who loves yours. He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else? He will be the one who will love you for who you truly are for your personality. Be yourself. How to get closure from my ex? In relationships and love, you have to turn your "I" into "We." You should make sure that you love yourself before you start looking for love from anybody else. Don't give up!! There is nothing scarier than living all alone till your human life comes to an end. Many would try to change you, but true love helps you grow in life. How to get over someone you have to see everyday? But what good is it, when I can’t feel anything towards people, other than fleeting, petty, clouded moments of some sort of affection, I wonder? Do you ever wonder if you will get to find your love? I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. “Why can't I find a good man?” is a question that has been asked by women around the world. Does it seem like you can't ever keep a relationship? I’m not looking for love. The only way to the other side of pain is to walk through it rather than around it. So l hear u Lauren. Please SELECT REQUESTS FROM THE TOP or topics that you care about. If I had spent the last five years putting the same amount of effort into myself as I did chasing, controlling, and trying to get my ex to love me, I would have been president of the United States by now. justice for Megan Fox). The only thing you can do is wait it out. Here … This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator. Any time you approach a relationship from a sense of emptiness inside—like something is missing and you're trying to fill a hole—it will be sensed by the people you're dating. Part 1 of 3: Finding a Good Match. Why are we fighting over small and stupid things? Always Pushing People Away. I have dated people who I thought were the one but they ended up breaking my heart. You'll know it when it is true love. Patience is key. I'm sick n tired of messin with guys who love me one day and could care less the next. If someone loves you they will understand your feelings and would always be there when you need them. So, before heading out on your love quest, try to tackle some of your inner insecurities; don't let them be the things holding you back from gaining love. And let's just be real, nobody wants a perfect partner. I have my whole life ahead, right? 1. Having high expectations for the person you want to pursue a relationship with is completely normal. After all, in relationships there is no "you"; there's only "US.". Understandable. You are worth being loved! It’s true: decent human beings of the male gender are rarer than ever in the dating scene. I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story. anon985512 January 16, 2015 . One of the biggest issues with individuals today is prevalent selfishness. Love comes with respect, trust, and honesty. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. ATTENTION: Are you struggling to find love? I love two different people. In other words, just let it happen. After all, if you don't love yourself for who you truly are who is ever going to do it? up ideologies in the world. Oh, how I doubt that. We can’t complain about someone mistreating us if we keep coming back. You will find someone. Funny outgoing down to earth kind in a ridiculous way. Always put yourself first. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Enjoy yourself. My quick answer is: don't try LOOKING for someone to love. One day you will find that and someone will love you so much. Maybe you’re even doing something that is unknowingly pushing love away. There is someone out there for everyone, the best time they will come along is when you are least expecting it. It's okay if you feel like you won't find anyone, because you don't know what the future will hold: focus on yourself and the most … Once you do though, it's worth the wait! I promise! Why be scared of love… We've been married for 16 years and love each other so much, but he has a high sex drive and mine is non-existent! Have a good taste in movies books and music. Does your partner threaten to leave you? The real trick is finding out who they are. Its not impossible, but that shouldn't be the ONLY type of person you're open to dating. I have learned that the perfect kind of love is the one that you never searched for. I think some people just find love in the wrong places. my result says for me to find love in a year or so :) my boyfriend dumped me a few days ago, and it shattered my heart since i loved him with all of my heart... i caught him about to cheat on me, he claimed he was losing interest in me, it was such a sad day that i lost him, he meant the world to me. Neediness is a state of mind where you feel incomplete, or have an emotional void, and try to fill this empty space with a relationship or male validation. @anon978210: Wow, I could have written exactly what you have. you can, its mostly yourself no liking who you really are or you dont know who you really are (totaly fine we all loose ourselves and change its good to seek help if it has bad effects on your life).